July 2004

Since I wrote the earlier entry things have moved on. The pull has become ever stronger and finally I decided to seek a sitting with the well-known psychic medium, Tony Stockwell. I was expecting a long wait but out of the blue a cancellation came in and I suddenly found myself sitting in a small, pleasant room at the College of Psychic Studies in Kensington, with Tony giving a reading which practically blew me apart. There was very little that was inaccurate or wrong about the extensive evidential information I received but it wasn’t the survival evidence aspect that had me shocked as, really, I needed very little evidence – something Tony himself picked up on. No, it was more to do with the reason I had come which was all to do with one question and one question only, namely, what is happening to me and what am I supposed to be doing with it.

I didn’t need to ask the question because it was answered almost immediately.

Tony said I was being ‘implored’ to work for spirit and that it was something he rarely said but he felt I would be doing demonstrations once my development had reached a certain point. He added that I had already completed one year of a four year development period. You can imagine how stunned I felt. Yes I had felt I was on a journey and yes I knew that somehow things had sped up and intensified over the last year, but even so….. It was a lot to take in.

I’d come to feel instinctively that whatever path I was supposed to walk it wasn’t going to be astrology anymore. That stage of my journey was past now. I wondered if it would be healing and although I really wanted it to be healing I somehow knew that my path didn’t quite lie in that area. Then came all this information about becoming a medium. I thought it was something you were aware of all your life, you know, seeing dead people around when you’re a kid and growing up with that awareness around you, not beginning all this stuff just as you reach your 40’s. Despite my unshakeable belief in our spiritual nature I find it difficult to accept I could ever be giving demonstrations. For one thing being so deaf I’d never be able to hear the audience! For another I guess I simply can’t see me communicating with people who’ve passed over. I just can’t visualise myself in that situation. Would I see things? Would I hear them? Would I feel them? I have no frame of reference in respect of myself though I’m a complete believer in the psychic process and mediumship.

The reading lasted an hour and provided a lot of food for thought which I had to go away and process. Listening to the tape afterwards I realised I was a lousy client and needed to give a lot more feedback while the reading was taking place. I suppose I was a bit overwhelmed and quite likely a bit too anxious to make sure I didn’t ‘contaminate’ the proceedings with too much information, but I also found myself feeling shy and inhibited in front of Tony, though goodness knows why!

One of the most startling of things was to be brought face to face, if you will, with my spirit guide who Tony told me was called Mahfu. I don’t suppose it matters how it’s spelt but that is how it sounded. Tony was a bit taken aback to be told that Mahfu had lived in Atlantis and he said that frankly he didn’t know what to believe about the whole Atlantis thing, but that was the information he was being given. He described Mahfu as being red-haired but tanned and Mediterranean looking. I wish I could feel Mahfu around me but I have to be honest and say I can’t. I probably need to be more open and make more effort to quieten my mind so I can become more aware of things. I’m simply not devoting any time to giving myself the space at home where I can do it. Maybe I need a development circle.

Anyway, a week on Saturday I’m going for a psychic growth week in Essex and we’ll see what happens. The programme looks exciting as well as a lot of fun too, and who knows what will happen? Whatever happens I know I’m going to have a lot of thoughts to digest once I get back and I get the feeling things are going to become a lot more serious soon.