August 2nd 2004

oday’s Monday and my knees are a lot better! The joints have been hurting for days and it’s combination of a bad fall some years ago that damaged my cartilage and the fact I’m carrying too much weight these days. They flare up every so often and just recently it’s been quite bad. I went to a healing session before the day began and already I feel much better.

This morning we did more work with Jan who is gently but firmly pushing us. I’ve had a good day today where psychically if not mediumistically I seem to have been able to tune into the other group members during exercises. I correctly picked up some personal stuff about Alfie which I won’t repeat here but it’s enough to say we were both surprised at how close I was. Equally Alfie did well with me too. All around were some surprised faces as the complete beginners realised they could do these things, and the more experienced students went further than they had done before.

After lunch we were back to the multiple choice sessions. There was a trance workshop with Tony, an art-based workshop led by Jan which was all about influencing the auric field and chakras using colour and pastels, but I chose to go with Donna, one of the other group leaders. This session was centred on feeling and working with energy. Again, a basic skills session and it was an easy choice because we got to work outside in the beautiful grounds on a perfect sunny day.

It was a wonderful session (haven’t they all been?) and Donna is a very bouncy, fun sort of personality which in itself builds energy. We began with a meditation where we just lay flat out on the lawns concentrating on feeling the ground beneath us and the earth energy as we sunk into a deep meditative state. I didn’t want to come back! I could feel every blade of grass, every insect that crawled over my hands and bare feet and yes, I could feel this subtle vibration from every living thing I was touching. Afterwards we had a go at feeling each other’s energy field, approaching each other hands splayed to feel where the energy field began. I was constantly surprised at how distinctly I could feel it. Donna then explained that when you use psychic and mediumistic skills you are actually blending your energy with that of the objects and people around you, or with the spirit people and that’s how you link in. You blend. The difference is that when you are working mediumistically you need to raise your vibration rate to meet those of the spirit people who are lowering theirs.

After dinner our group were scheduled to join Eileen, who is taking the advanced group. Eileen was giving a demonstration of trance mediumship, one of two we’ll have as Tony is giving one on to our group on Thursday. Matthew accompanied Eileen and explained what to expect. It was important to stay quiet he said, because a medium is in a delicate state while in trance and sudden noise or light can be harmful. The other thing he explained about was transfiguration, where the medium’s face and voice takes on the features of the communicator.

The first communicator was Eileen’s master guide (I think) and I was crestfallen because I simply couldn’t hear properly. The guide had a broad accent which didn’t help and as I’d never had to lipread a dead person before I was in new territory. I told myself off though, deciding I had to enjoy and learn from the experience as best I could because there was no point get upset about something I couldn’t change. I picked up odd words but instead concentrated on watching how Eileen’s whole body had changed and her face… wow! It had completely changed to that of an oriental person. Not only that the whole shape had changed from something normally rounded to a very long, lined face. Amazing!

Then it happened.

It really happened and I’m feeling pretty emotional about it.

The spirit began to withdraw and I was having a wistful thought that I’d missed an awful amount of interesting philosophy. I watched Eileen’s face began to relax but as I watched I seemed to fall away into some sort of altered state myself. It felt I was staring at Eileen’s face as though the wrong way down a telescope. I could see Eileen if I looked, but there in front of her was the face of an oriental gentleman, like an Eskimo’s face actually, and as I looked he turned and gave me such a warm, loving smile I almost began to cry. It’s impossible to explain how it happened. I was aware I could still see Eileen but I could see him in the same place as well. It was like looking at one person, then the other, without having to turn your head from person to person. They were both in the same place at the same time. Then the face looked away and disappeared and I was back again, and aware of my surroundings. I can’t explain what happened, but it was a precious, precious thing and there was a clear lesson in it, that what I need to learn will be learnt irrespective of any physical disabilities I may have.

Another spirit came through and I didn’t have time to ponder too much on the amazing experience I’d had because the lady was an absolute scream! You had the picture of an Irene Handl type lady hanging over the garden fence having a damn good natter with her chums, except what she was saying had a strong philosophical streak. “Why worry loves? Love is all there is, isn’t it, so why worry. Just get on and do yer best!” After she left and Eileen began to recover Matthew asked for feedback so I explained what had happened and the being deaf bit. He was interested an we had a bit of a chat afterwards. I have to confess to feeling a bit intimidated by Matthew though. God knows why as he’s a nice enough chap.

So now it’s late and I’m tired but Cassandra has done an introduction to Tarot and given me a bang-on mini reading that I should be writing and had a book in mind but I should stop being a snob and go to writing classes to get the foundations right, and hen it’ll all come to me. Hmmm. I wouldn’t say snob but I just don’t feel I’m ever going to go anywhere with the writing so why go to school?

The days are so long but why don’t I feel overworked?

Dunno, but I just can’t stop grinning.