I didn't know too much about Stanstead, so I looked it up on the internet to see what I could find out about the place. I must admit that it looked very impressive but very daunting too. I had a read through what courses were on offer, there were so many, where on earth do I start ? I didn't even know what I was hoping to achieve by going, just that I had this strong pull to go there.

One particular group sounded reasonably friendly I thought so I gave the contact person a call. I explained that I wanted to know what happens at this sort of thing. I've never been on anything like this before and have no idea what to expect; have no experience, apart from my fortnightly visits to the Centre and reading everything I could find about all things spiritual, so could they please explain what it was I could expect for this week .............. exactly?

A week of love, fun and laughter was the reply. OK, I needed a bit that so I booked up and then wondered what the heck I was doing!

As time to go got closer, the more nervous I got. I had spoken to some people at the Centre and they told me that I would love it, so just go and enjoy yourself they said.

I had the journey from hell, buses replaced trains, 2 changes of bus then another train, I began to feel that I was not meant to go at all. Maybe I was being tested I thought, just to see if I was really serious or not about this. After what seemed like hours, I finally arrived at Stansted Montfitchet station.

I let reception know I had arrived, they gave me my key and I found my room, a twin room, all to myself. I unpacked, made myself a cup of tea and then sat there thinking, what the heck have I done?

What am I doing here? What am I going to say to people? What will they be like? Will they like me? Will I like them ? I felt like a new kid on a first day of school. The more I thought about it, the more nervous I got. Then I suddenly remembered the voice that told me to come so decided to put on a brave face just go down stairs and just see what happens.

It was a beautiful day and everyone was out in the garden, so I went and stood outside. I didn’t know a soul and it seems that everybody else knew everybody else !! Then a lady suddenly came up and stuck her face right into mine and said ‘You know you Mum is OK don’t you?’ This is a bit scary I thought, but I replied ‘Yes, I do' she then went on to say all sorts that I didn't really understand and I thought she must be mad, I needed the loo so I made my excuses and moved away! I found out a couple of days later that the lady is almost blind and that is the reason she has to come up so close so she could see the person she was tallking to.

On the way back from the loo, there were 2 women and a man standing on their own, as I went past them one of the ladies said ‘Hello, are you on your own?’ Oh good, some people for me to talk to, they were very friendly so I stayed chatting with them for the rest of the evening. They all lived not far from Stanstead and this was their first time at a residential couse although they had been to an open day before they told me. There were all mediums and sit in the same circle, I thought they could be good to talk to and even gain a a bit of knowledge here. Maybe I was meant to meet them !

The next morning, everyone gathered in the lecture hall where we were introduced to the tutors for the week. Each of them got up and said a little about themselves and the work they would be doing during the week. I had never heard of any of them or had any idea what they were talking about but listened with interest. Then we were asked to choose which tutor we wanted to work with. I didn’t have a clue what I was happening anyway, so I just choose someone who looked the kindest. Sadly for me my new found friends choose different tutors, so that meant that I would be in a group where I didn't know anyone, felt nervous again.

I found the room where my group were, it was full of smiley people and thought, maybe they are not so bad afterall. We all introduced ourselves and I began to feel a bit out of place but thought, well you are here now, so just go with the flow girl. The nice tutor started with a talk, what he said was very inspiring I felt and was pleased and I felt that I had made the right decision to be with this tutor.

After he had said prayer and he told us that we were going to do a guided meditation, I had never meditated in my life before so I just listened intently to what he said as I didn't want to make a fool of myself on my first day! He then told us to imagine that energy was going from one person to the next all around the circle forming which was forming a poweful link between us all. I could feel my feet getting icy cold but thought there must be a draft coming from somewhere.

He then told us that we were now going to get into a lift, and press the first floor button and go up. That sounds easy enough to me, I have a good imagination I thought. I can do this no problem so no need to worry. Was feeling much better abouth the group now.

I duly imagined myself getting in the lift and pressing the 1st floor button as he told us, once we arrived at the 1st floor, the door would open and we would look out and see what we could see. I could only see sky as didn't want to look down (vertigo).

Then we closed the lift door again and continued on up ....... flipping heck, I had started to move! It felt like my chair was lifting up from the floor. I was getting a bit worried that I may fall off the chair which I was sure had gone some way up from the floor. I wanted to open my eyes but then thought that I shouldn't as it could break the link, the others will know it's me that caused it and I didn't want to cause any trouble.

Yet another part of me wanted to keep going as I was curious what would happen and a voice inside my head seemed to be saying stick with it girl you will come to no harm.

Then I felt that I was burning up, I thought my whole body was expanding, my face felt that it had gone very red and my head was being blown up like a balloon. The tutor MUST be able to see what is happening to me, he MUST be able to see that my chair, with me still sitting in it, was rising upwards surely I thought. I really wanted to open my eyes, but a little voice inside my head keep saying that I am safe.

Then I could see, and I really don't know how, the top of my head split into quarters, open up and a blue / white light come out of the top of my head with quite a force, it was like a flippping volcano exploding. The lift stopped then I heard the tutor say that we had to step out of the lift when the door opened.

I got out of the lift and what I saw totally stunned me. I was very high up on top of a mountain it seemed and I could see, if a little hazy, snow capped mountains; I could hear and feel the wind whistling past me and I saw what looked likean eagle soaring above me.

Wherever I was, it was so beautiful, so calm and so peaceful. I was still a little scared as I really didn't know was happening and part of me wanted to go back to the ground floor. At the same time I wanted to stay in this beautiful place as I had never experienced anything so beautiful or had ever felt as peaceful as I was feeling then. The most wonderful thing is I could feel nothing but love there and it all felt so natural, like I was meant to be there.

I stood taking in this wonderful scene in when we were told to get back into the lift and come back to the ground floor. Although I felt so peaceful and calm where I was, I felt quite pleased to be coming back to the ground and when I got in the lift, I could see my hand pressing the down button repeatedly; I even jumped up and down to make the lift go faster! When I was back, I opened my eyes which were now full of tears. Although it had been a somewhat scarey experience, I had such a wonderful feeling that I felt I just cried.

I assumed that what had happened to me had been experienced by everyone else in the room, but nobody was looking at me so I thought that maybe I hadn't moved and I didn't see what I saw after all so it was all in my overactive imagination !!

We then went for our lunchbreak, the afternoon was set aside for lectures so I never got the chance to speak to the tutor until that evening when I explained to him what had happened and asked if that was usual. Nobody had told me what I might experience and I had found it quite frightening as I didn’t understand how I got on top of that mountain and I wasn’t sure if I was going to come back again from wherever it was I had been to.

The tutor apologised and said that he wasn’t aware that this was my first time at this, he suggested that for the next class I should sit next to him and he will keep an eye on me. That made me feel a little better as I knew I would be a little apprehensive to have that happen again.

I didn 't sleep too well that night..

The next day, a meditation started again and I had a coughing fit that just would not stop, no matter how hard I tied even after drinking water. As I was disturbing everyone else I left the room went outside so I could get some fresh air. I suppose it was nerves that had started off the coughing fit. I went up to my room and mad myself a hot drink and the went for a wander around the grounds until the next tea break time as I didn't want to disturb the meditation by going back into the room.

I spoke to the tutor at the break and told him that what had happened the day before had obviously had an affect on me, I felt that it was a bit scarey for me to deal with. I felt didn’t know what happening and what I was getting myself into. With the agreement of my tutor, I decided that I would not attend any more classes as there was still so much that I didn't understand. So I thought that I would just relax and chill out in the grounds for the rest of the week as I needed to unwind a bit.

The three people I met at the start of the week were very kind when I told them what had happened that first day, they told me that it was special to see an eagle. I had no knowledge of such things but it was obvious to me that I was completely out of my depth. There was so much for me to learn and try to understand.

I did attend the lectures that had been organised, simply to learn as much as I could, some were interesting, others very boring. I also took the opportunity to have some healing a few times and to speak to those giving the healing as I wanted to know more about that. I also spent time speaking to other people who had gone to Stanstead, not for the classes, but just to be in the atmosphere of the place, I learnt from them too.

Something interesting happened to me during my 3rd day there. Earlier that year I had booked a holiday to USA / Canada and had sent off my balance just before I left for Stanstead and thought no more of it. After lunch, I went into the little shop and picked out a couple of books and CD's, gave the lady my debit card to pay for them and she told me that my card has been refused due to lack of funds. What ?!?! How can that be, I had been paid the day before I left so there must be money in my account I told her. I was frantic, I started to think that one of these spooky people had read my mind, had somehow got access to my bank account and had stolen my money. I don't hold my bank account details in my head of course, but I couldn't understand where all my money had gone in 4 days !

Obviously not thinking straight and somewhat in a state of panic, I decided that I would go to the bank in the village to sort this out which was a really silly idea because, far as I knew, there was only one bank there and I didn't have account with them. I started to leave the building via the front door when I had a sudden change of mind for some reason, did an about turn to go out the back way instead. As I turned around I was stopped dead in my tracks, right in front of me was a painting, which I hadn't noticed before but it must have been there. The painting was of a scene somewhere in Scotland at a guess but it had mountains in it and I said aloud 'you stupid woman, Canada'.

I then remembered my forthcoming holiday and that I hadn't transferred the money from my savings account into my current account to pay the balance, so it was no wonder I didn't have a bean in my account. How could I foget about that? After a phone call to my bank, monies were transferred and I was solvent again!

I have no idea whatever or whoever it was that made me change which way I would leave the building, but I was very grateful indeed. Otherwise I would have continued to think that one of these strange spooky people had really accessed my account and had stolen my money somehow!

On the last day of the week, I had booked a reading from one of the tutors. Again, I was told that I should be doing spiritual healing, also that I had other gifts but he said he would leave me to find out what those other gifts are. How kind of him I thought !!

I left Stanstead feeling very relaxed but more confused than before I went. Although I was still very much interested in spirit, I made a decision that I wanted no more of this meditation malarkey until I understood much, much more about it. I also decided that I wouldn't be wanting to go to Stanstead again, not until I felt I had much more experience in such things anyway !

I personally found Stanstead a bit too much for me to handle, I suffered with severe headaches whilst I was in the building so I spent much of my time outside or in the Sanctuary which was a nice place to sit. I was still in a stressful job at that time and the peace and quiet of the grounds was pure luxury for me, I felt like I was on another planet. Once I came home, I didn't want to put on the TV for weeks, I just listened to music and read books instead. I have never bought a newspaper since that week either.

Even though what happened during my first meditation troubled me at the time, I have never experienced anything like that again which is sad, as I would really love to go to that place again now that I know there is nothing to fear. Maybe one day I will again .............